I Won't Let History Repeat
by iamkellylouise
Summary: Addison and Meredith have been together for 2 and a half years, when Meredith starts to spend more and more time at the hospital, Addison can sense history repeating itself. But this time she won't let it. Do they still have a future together? MerAdd.


"You need to come home" Izzie blurted into the phone as she heard Meredith's voice say hello.

"What? Why?!"

"It's Addison"

"We had a fight" Meredith sighed.

"She's locked herself in the bathroom, she's crying"

"Like I said, we had a fight"

"Meredith for gods sake! She's crying, _crying_! And not how she usually cries when you guys fight like sobbing, and she's hitting things and I'm pretty sure I heard glass smash at some point, I can't get in there Mer, I'm worried so can you please, just come home"

"I'll be there in 10" Meredith sighed.

* * *

"Is she still in there?" Meredith asked Izzie quietly as she walked up the stairs.

"Yeah, I tried to get her to let me in but I don't even think she heard me, she's been in there for an hour"

"Thanks for trying, I've got it from here"

"Sure, shout me if you need anything"

"Thanks Iz" Meredith took a breath and waited for Izzie to disappear down the stairs before she knocked hard on the bathroom door "Addison, it's Meredith, let me in" she only heard a sob in reply "Addison you either open the door yourself or I can get the toolbox and pick the lock, it's your choice" she heard the lock click open, she took another breath before slowly opening the door, she gasped slightly at the sight in front of her, the glass that usually sat on the sink was now smashed over the floor, bottles of shampoo and various other products had been flung around the room, Addison sat in the far corner, her back against the wall, her hair hung limply around her face, she wore a pair of sweats and Meredith's Dartmouth shirt, her knees were pulled close to her chest, she didn't flinch as Meredith entered, her eyes focussed on the sliding door of the shower, her body was shaking slightly as tears trickled down her face.

"Jesus christ Addison" Meredith gasped, she slid down onto her knees and knelt directly in front of her, Addison didn't move, it was as if she were looking straight through Meredith's body.

"I'm sorry we fought" Meredith said quietly.

"This isn't about the fight" Addison whispered.

"Then what is it? Tell me what's wrong Addie?" Meredith was tempted to reach out her hand and place it on Addison's knee but refrained not knowing what her reaction would be.

"It's happening again"

"What is?"

"You're doing what he did, I tried to tell you because I thought that maybe that's where I went wrong before but then you started yelling and then you left and it's happening again"

"Addison, what is happening again?"

"You're turning into him, you're always there, we haven't had sex in a month because you're too tired after a long day of surgery, you missed Thanksgiving _and_ Christmas because of surgery, surgery that could have been done by plenty of other surgeons, I saw the schedule Meredith, you didn't have to do those surgeries but you did, and I know it's your job and I know you want to be the best but I can't have that happen again, I can't lose the person I love to surgery, not again, I won't let history repeat itself, so if this doesn't stop, if this doesn't stop I'm leaving, I don't want to leave but I can't do this again because the last time this happened I fell into bed with Mark and I _really _don't want that to happen again, so please, Meredith, give me a reason to stay"

"Oh Addie" Meredith sighed, she scooted closer to her and placed her hand on Addison's cheek "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I, I've been selfish, I'm sorry, I love you so much Addison you have to know that, I love you and I will never leave you, I'll be better, I promise, I'll be a better girlfriend, I'll be here, if you want me to clear my schedule I will, if you want to go away for a weekend, or a week, or two anything, I will because I can't lose you Addison, I love you, please don't leave me"

By now they were both sobbing, Meredith slumped next to Addison against the wall, she held the red-head tightly against her, kissing her tears away "I am so sorry Addison" she whispered "Please forgive me"

"I just want us to be how we were 2 years ago, we couldn't keep away from each other Mer and now, this, this is the most contact we've had in weeks"

"I know, I'm so sorry, so sorry, I love you Addie, I love you so much"

"I love you too" Addison whimpered.

Meredith scrambled to her feet, she held out a hand which Addison took, she pulled her into a tight hug, they stood still just holding each other, as their tears subsided Meredith led them into their bedroom, they climbed onto the bed, not bothering with covers and held each other as they fell asleep.

* * *

When Addison woke the next morning she was alone, she sighed heavily and rubbed her tired eyes, she climbed out of the bed and sleepily stumbled her way to the kitchen.

"Oh" she said as she saw Meredith stood at the stove.

"Good morning beautiful" Meredith smiled.

"I thought um, I thought" Addison stuttered.

"You thought I'd gone to the hospital" Meredith nodded sadly.

"Well, yeah"

"You were supposed to stay sleeping until I'd finished this" she said gesturing at the counter, plates laid out ready for food to be put on them.

"You're cooking?"

"Just eggs and bacon" Meredith shrugged "Do you want some juice?"

"Sure, thanks" Addison smiled, she slowly walked over to the counter and leaned over propping herself up with her elbows, resting her face against her hand, Meredith poured a glass of orange juice and placed it in front of her, she leant in and gave Addison a quick peck on the lips.

"I thought you had surgery all day" Addison said quietly.

"I cleared our schedules for the week, I hope you don't mind, I just, I want to make things better Addie, I know a week probably isn't long enough but I spoke to the Chief and he's agreed to give us the same schedules from now on"

"Are you sure?"

"Addison, I love you, I am not going to let history repeat itself"

"Ok" Addison smiled softly "What are we doing with our week off then?"

Meredith plated up the eggs and bacon and led them over to the table "Well, after we've eaten this we're going to get showered and dressed and then we're going to go to the Space Needle because that is where I realized I love you"

"Really?!"

"Yeah, it was the way your face lit up when you used those cute little viewfinders, that's when I knew, it sounds silly saying it out loud but, I just, knew" Meredith smiled.

"Well that means we have to take a bath tonight"

"Why?" Meredith laughed.

"Because that's where I realized I loved you" Addison smiled "I'd had a really bad day at work, awful, I lost 2 preemies that I'd been working on for months and I don't know why that got to me because I should be used to it but it just did, it was the first time I'd ever cried in front of you, well in front of my girlfriend you, you ran a bath, used all of our best salts and candles, we got in, you sat behind me and wrapped your arms around my waist and you just let me cry, no words, no 'you did everything you could', you just held me and let me cry, that's when I knew I loved you"

"This is going to be the best week of your life Addison, I promise you"

Addison smiled brightly and took a bite of her breakfast, Meredith squeezed her hand softly, they sat in a comfortable silence as they ate together, 'We're going to work through this' Meredith thought to herself 'We have to'.

_

* * *

1 week later…._

"We should just quit" Addison groaned as they stepped hand in hand into the elevator.

"We're too good to quit" Meredith smirked "And you have a whole department to run"

"Well, we should take more time off, I miss the park, and the viewfinders and the bathtub, I miss the bathtub"

"We had a bath yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that" Meredith chuckled.

"I still miss it" Addison pouted.

"I'll make it up to you later" Meredith smiled seductively, she grabbed her hands onto the front of Addison's coat and kissed her, slipping her tongue into her mouth, Addison let out a low groan and pushed Meredith up against the wall, the elevator doors pinged open to reveal Derek and Mark, they both stepped in chuckling as the women snapped apart.

"Oh my god! It's 2 years ago" Mark smirked, Meredith smirked back and Addison rolled her eyes.

"We thought you'd dropped of the face of the earth and now we find you making out in the elevator like a couple of horny teenagers, what the hell have you been doing this week?!" Derek exclaimed.

"I was groveling" said Meredith.

"Groveling?" Mark frowned.

"I've been….absent"

"Absent?" Derek frowned.

"Yes, absent. So I'm making it up to her, I'm not going to let history rep….nothing"

"No, go on" said Derek.

"We didn't want to let history repeat itself" Addison sighed "She was turning into you, well, the old you, the last 2 years of New York you"

"Addison" Meredith hissed.

"What? They're our friends, they asked, I'm telling, we've spoken to our other friends about it, we're being honest remember? That's one of our new rules, honesty"

"I know, it's just…."

"It's fine Meredith" Derek smiled softly "The last 2 years of New York, I was absent and I didn't even know it, I'm assuming you didn't either, and I'm also assuming that Addison called you on it which is why you're groveling"

"Yeah, that'd be why" Meredith sighed "I'm not going to be stupid enough to screw this up"

"And I'm not going to be stupid enough to let it slide" said Addison.

"I could see it y'know" said Mark "You guys just, weren't the same, I could see it coming, don't let her get away Mer"

"Don't worry, I won't, and you guys have to promise me, all 3 of you, if you see it happening, if I'm being absent, tell me, straight away, no hesitation"

"She's beating herself up about it" said Addison "As you can see with the nervous stuttering"

"I just, I don't ever want to see you like that again Addie, I'm sorry"

"I know" Addison smiled "I know you are"

"I love you" Meredith sighed kissing her softly.

"And I love you" Addison smiled kissing her again.

"Oh god" Derek groaned.

"What?" they both said snapping their heads over to him.

"If we're going back to 2 years ago you that means…."

"Avoiding on-call rooms, supply closets and even a stairwell or two" Mark smirked.

"We'll err...try and me, more careful?" said Meredith, Addison let out a small giggle.

"This is my floor" Addison pouted as the elevator stopped "I love you" she sighed as she pulled Meredith in for another kiss.

"I love you too, find me later?"

"You bet" Addison said flashing her a grin as she backed out of the elevator, Meredith let out a heavy sigh as the doors closed again.

Mark, Derek and Meredith all got off at the next floor, Derek grabbed onto Meredith's wrist and dragged her into a quiet corner.

"What are you doing?!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Don't be me, don't let her down, she loves you, so much, I can see it and I know you love her too. It took me months to get over the fact that you were dating and now that we're all friends again I couldn't bare it if you two fell apart like me and Addie did, like me and you did, she's not as strong as she makes out, don't be me, don't let her get away Meredith"

"Last week, we had a fight, she said she was sick of me being at the hospital all of the time, we were shouting and screaming and then my pager went off and d'you know what I did, I took the page, without even thinking about it and then Izzie called, said that Addison had locked herself in the bathroom and that I needed to get home, honestly, when I got there I thought she would be fine, just a few tears but she was broken Derek, _broken_, she'd thrown things around the room, she'd smashed a glass against the sink, she looked empty, and then she broke down, she told me everything, how she'd been feeling, what I'd been doing and I just, I can't believe I let it happen, so I promise you, I am not going to let it happen again, I love her Derek and if I lost her, I don't know what I'd do, I don't think I could survive, she's my life"

"Tell her that, every day, tell her because if you don't, she'll slip away"

"I will. I promise"

"But seriously, try and lock the doors this time, you don't even want to know how many times you were walked in on before, there was even a tally going on for a while"

Meredith let out a laugh "Come on McDreamy, you can buy me a coffee before surgery" she said walking away, she turned back when she saw him stood watching her in amusement "Well, come on then!" she exclaimed.

* * *

"We should get married" Meredith said as she lay on an on-call room bed in Addison's arms.

"What?!" Addison spluttered.

Meredith turned onto her stomach, her chin resting on her hand, she looked up at her and smiled softly "Marry me Addison"

"Are you just doing this to get back in my good books or are you serious?"

"I'm serious. Deadly serious. I love you Addison, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to marry you and have a family with you, I want us to be the Forbes Montgomery-Grey's, they've just legalized same-sex marriage in DC so, wanna get married?"

Addison's face slowly burst out into a wide smile "Yes"

Meredith reached up and kissed Addison hard on the lips, she shuffled herself so she straddled her waist, not letting her lips leave Addison's, "Oh you have got to me kidding me!" they heard Derek groan, they turned their heads and giggled at him.

"Hey, at least we're not naked….yet" Meredith smirked "Spread the word that we're engaged would you?"

"What?!" Derek gasped.

"I just asked Addie to marry me and she said yes so….spread the word"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously" Meredith nodded.

"Congratulations" he smiled softly "Seriously"

"Thank you, now, get out so I can get my fiancee naked" Meredith grinned.

"Going" Derek said closing the door behind him.

"He's too good to us" Addison sighed.

"I know" Meredith smiled softly "Now seriously, get naked"

"Well, if you insist" Addison grinned as she took off her shirt….

_

* * *

6 months later…._

"This is heaven" Addison sighed as she sunk into the large bathtub "We should get married more often, or we should just live in a honeymoon suite" she grinned, Meredith slipped off her robe and climbed in, she sat on Addison's lap, her legs wrapping around her back, she placed a soft kiss on Addison's lips.

"But where would we put the kids?"

"Kids?!"

"Yeah, I was thinking we could stop by and see Naomi at some point, pick a donor, I think maybe he should look like you"

"Are you serious?!"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I just, I, I don't know, I didn't think you wanted kids"

"Have you ever asked me?"

"Well no but…."

"Do you want kids?"

"Well yeah but…."

"Then we're going to have kids, 4 of them"

"4 of them?"

"I'm an only child, well, I grew up as an only child and it's lonely and I know you had Archer but I know you were lonely too so, I want our kids to have each other, so, what d'you say, 4 kids?"

"I love you so much" Addison smiled kissing Meredith softly "I am calling Naomi as soon as we're out of this tub, she can start finding us some sperm"

"Lets enjoy the tub first" Meredith grinned.

"Oh, absolutley"

_

* * *

6 years later…._

"What's up Incubator?" Cristina asked as Meredith waddled up to her in the cafeteria.

"Pregnancy sucks, it took me half an hour to put on my shoes this morning, and do you know how I did it in the end?"

"Um, no but you're going to tell me"

"I had to get Megan to help me" Meredith pouted "My 5 year old has to help me put on my shoes"

"Hey, you're the one who wanted 4 kids" Cristina smirked "You haven't got that much longer to go right?"

"2 months" Meredith sighed.

"Where are the sprogs anyway?"

"They're with Richard, he told me I looked glum and that I should come and find you, he should be bringing them down soon"

"Oh right" Cristina nodded "You'll be fine Mer, you'll love the pregnancy tomorrow, you're just feeling hormonal"

"I know" Meredith sighed "Rub my feet would you?"

"Eeew no, where's your wife? That's her job"

"What's my job?" Addison asked as she sat herself down next to Meredith greeting her with a quick kiss.

"Rubbing my feet" Meredith grinned sheepishly.

"Not feeling so good today honey?" Addison said softly rubbing her back.

"She's all freaked out because Megan had to help her with her shoes"

"Oh Mer" Addison said biting back a laugh "I start my maternity leave soon, I'll be there to help you"

"Hmm" Meredith sighed "Now seriously, rub my feet please"

Addison laughed, she slid her chair back slightly and pulled Meredith's legs up so her feet rested in her lap, she took off her shoes and started to rub her feet gently.

"That better?"

"Hmm, yeah" Meredith sighed "This is why I love you"

"I thought you loved me because of that thing I do with my tongue"

"Woah! Ok, over share!" Cristina exclaimed.

"Sorry" Addison laughed "Where are Megan and Kai?"

"With Richard, he should be bringing them down…."

"Mommy, Mama!" they heard Megan shout.

"Now" Meredith smirked dropping her feet onto the floor.

Megan ran over and jumped up onto Addison's lap "Mama, Grandpa Richard said he's going to get me my very own lab coat, just for me!" Megan exclaimed.

"Did he now?" Addison smirked, she looked over at Richard who was carrying their two year old son Kai who was asleep against his shoulder.

"I'm allowed to treat my Grandbabies once in a while Addie" he sighed.

"I know" Addison smiled "Did they behave?"

"Angels as always" he smiled "I have to get to surgery, he fell asleep on my office couch"

"He's been running around like a maniac all day, I'm not in the least bit surprised" Meredith laughed.

"Megan go and sit with Aunty Cris so I can carry Kai ok?" Addison asked quietly.

"Ok Mama" Megan smiled, she jumped up and went over to Cristina who no matter how much she insisted she hated kids had a particular soft spot for the Forbes Montgomery-Grey's. Richard carefully placed Kai in Addison's arms, he gave her and Meredith a kiss on the cheek before leaving for his surgery.

"We should get going" Addison smiled "Megan help Mommy with her shoes"

"I hate you" Meredith muttered.

"I'll make it up to you" Addison smiled playfully.

"Ok seriously, not in front of the kids!" Cristina exclaimed.

"Oh shut your whining" Meredith laughed "Where's Owen, you obviously need to get laid"

"He's in surgery" Cristina grumbled.

"Mommy, whats laid? And why does Aunty Cris need to get it?"

"I um, I, I, Addie help me out here"

"Oh no, no, you got yourself into it" Addison smirked.

"Um, Megan, uh, laid is, it's something that grown ups do"

"Like surgery?"

"Yeah, like surgery" Meredith smiled.

"Nice save Supermom" Cristina smirked "What are you guys doing anyway?"

"Taking them to the Space Needle, it's the anniversary of the day we first got together" Meredith smiled softly.

"9 years and counting" Addison grinned.

"Wow, I can't believe it's been that long" Cristina sighed "The odds were certainly against you"

"They were weren't they" Meredith sighed "And now look at us, married, two kids and one on the way, another potentially in the works, I certainly didn't expect this when you seduced me" she smirked at Addison.

"I did not seduce you! You seduced me!"

"You were both drunk" Cristina laughed "You don't even remember do you? All you remember was waking up together the next morning and screaming the house down"

"She's right" Addison smirked.

"Yeah, she is" Meredith laughed "Come on, Space Needle awaits, see you later Cris"

"See you later" she smiled.

"Say bye to Aunty Cristina Megan" said Addison.

"Bye Aunty Cristina" Megan smiled.

"Bye squirt, have fun"

"We _always _have fun" Megan said rolling her eyes and running off to catch up with Meredith.

"She picked that up from you" Cristina smirked to Addison.

"Oh she so did" Addison laughed "See you tomorrow"

"Yeah, bye"

_

* * *

4 years later…._

"Morning" Meredith yawned as she woke up.

"Morning" Addison muttered, Meredith shuffled herself slightly and placed a kiss on Addison's lips "Happy Anniversary"

"Happy Anniversary to you too" Addison smiled.

"10 years" Meredith smiled softly "We've been married for 10 years Addison"

"I know" Addison laughed slightly.

"Did you think we'd make it? Honestly?"

"If we hadn't have got through that rough patch, no"

"But we did" Meredith smiled "I haven't, I didn't ever…."

"You didn't ever go back to that Mer" Addison said quietly "I love you"

"I love you too" Meredith said kissing her again, she lifted herself up and straddled Addison's body.

"Mommy mommy mommy!" they heard 4 year old Oliver exclaim as he burst into the room, Meredith rolled off of Addison and sat up crossed legged on the bed.

"What's up Olly?" she asked calmly.

"Megan says it's a very special day today, she said its your anivertsary" he nodded with certainty, Meredith laughed and patted the bed, he climbed on and sat on her lap.

"Today is our anniversary Olly" she smiled softly.

"What does that even mean?!" he exclaimed.

"It means…." Addison said sitting up and resting her chin on Meredith's shoulder "That me and Mommy got married 10 years ago today"

"Wow, that's a really long time"

"It is" Meredith smiled.

"Mom, Mommy, Happy Anniversary" 9 year old Megan smiled walking into the room, she climbed up onto the bed and hugged Addison tightly.

"Where are Kai and Lily?" Addison asked.

"Want me to go and get them?"

"Yes please sweetie" Addison smiled, Megan jumped off the bed, she returned a minute later with 6 year old Kai and 2 year old Lily, she helped Lily onto the bed. Meredith and Addison shuffled back so their backs were against the headboard. A sleepy Lily snuggled up in Addison's arms, Oliver in Meredith's, Megan and Kai sat crossed legged at their feet.

"We were just telling Oliver that 10 years ago today me and Mommy got married" Addison smiled.

"That's a year before I was born!" Megan exclaimed.

"It is" Meredith nodded "We thought you up on our honeymoon"

"Are you going to have any more babies Mommy?" asked Kai.

"No sweetie, I think this is it for us now, you 4 are just enough"

"Mom, how did you meet Mommy?" asked Megan, Addison and Meredith both looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Well, Megan, erm, I met your Mommy 14 years ago at the hospital, we were both very special friends with your Uncle Derek, you remember that me and Uncle Derek used to be married too?"

"Yeah" Megan nodded "In New York"

"Right, in New York, well me and Uncle Derek had a very bad fight in New York, so Uncle Derek moved to Seattle"

"What were you fighting about?" asked Kai.

"I did something very bad with Uncle Mark"

"What did you do Mama?" asked Oliver.

"We'll tell you that part when you're a lot older" said Meredith.

"Ok" Megan nodded "So why did you come to Seattle Mom?"

"I came to tell Uncle Derek I was sorry, he didn't forgive me at first because he loved Mommy very much too, so me and Mommy weren't really friends because Uncle Derek didn't tell Mommy about me, so that made Mommy sad"

"But then your Mom and I made friends but then Mommy and Uncle Derek did something very bad, another thing you'll find out when you're older"

"So me and Uncle Derek started fighting again and we signed some papers so that we weren't married anymore"

"You're not going to do that with Mommy though right?" Megan asked nervously "You're going to be together forever"

"We are honey, forever" Meredith smiled softly.

"So what happened next?" asked Kai.

"Me and Mommy didn't speak to each other for a long time, she was being very good friends with Uncle Derek but Mommy had an accident, she was very sick"

"Are you ok Mommy?" Oliver asked feeling her head.

"I'm fine baby, this was a very long time ago" she said kissing his cheek "I was very sick, and so was your Grandma Ellis, and she went to heaven but I stayed here. Me and your Uncle Derek decided we didn't want to be very good friends anymore, we decided we just wanted to be friends"

"And Mommy and I got to know each other again and after a while we started to love each other, Uncle Derek didn't like it at first but when he saw how much we loved each other he started to be our friend again"

"And when we'd been together for 2 years I asked your Mom to marry me and she said yes"

"So we got married 6 months later and then after a year we had you Megan"

"And then we had all of you guys" Meredith smiled tickling Oliver.

"Mommy stop it" he squealed.

"Mama tickle" Lily grinned tickling Addison under the arms, Addison in turn started to tickle Lily who giggled loudly.

"TICKLE FIGHT!" Kai shouted before attacking Megan who squealed loudly, after a few minutes they all lay breathless on the bed.

"Come on my angels, lets go and make breakfast, who wants pancakes?" asked Addison.

"ME!" they all shouted.

"Race you to the kitchen" she grinned.

The kids all jumped off the bed, Lily toddling behind.

"Any regrets?" Meredith said turning to Addison.

"Never" she smiled softly, she leaned across the bed and began to passionately kiss her.

"_MOM!!!! KAI HIT ME!" Megan shouted._

"_I DID NOT!!"_

Addison groaned into Meredith's mouth.

"Come on baby, lets go before they destroy our kitchen" Meredith said grabbing her hand and pulling Addison up.

"Mer?"

"Yeah"

"I'm glad we got drunk and had sex" she smiled.

"Me too Addie, me too" they shared another quick kiss before _"MOM!!!!"_

They turned to each other and sighed heavily before going downstairs and starting another hectic day. But they wouldn't ever change a thing.

_~End~_

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* * *

A/N: Reviews please =) iam-kelly.**


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